Monday, July 10, 2006


I drove a tractor-trailer for two years. In that time I covered over 215,000 miles, visited 47 of the lower 48 states (plus Canada) and I saw some seriously weird shit.

In Longmont, Colorado, I saw people living in half of a mobile home. I guess they couldn’t afford the entire double-wide all at one time. The roof just went up to the peak and the rear wall came straight down. It looked like a lean-to. I can see it now, “Yeah, I’ll take the living room, kitchen, one bedroom and a bath for now, and could you put the rest on layaway?”

Along the Interstate in Central Kansas there are small oil wells dotting the landscape. In front of one particular grouping of these structures was a sign that read:
CALL 1-800-555-1212
Why did I not run for a telephone?

There was one entrepreneur in Kansas who had signs for miles advertising his establishment. His claim to fame was ownership of not only “the world’s largest prairie dog,” but also either a five-legged or six-legged cow. The number of legs depended on which of his 50 signs you believe.

To the east of San Antonio, Texas on I-10, you cross Woman Hollering Creek. Where the hell do they get some of these names? I’m sure there’s a great story behind that one.

In Kent, Ohio, there’s a house with a gate but no fence. Just a gate sitting in front of the steps leading to the front yard. If you don’t believe me, it’s on Mantua Street.

I noticed a church even I might not mind attending on a regular basis. It’s in Indiana and named the Bourbon Baptist Church. Gives communion a whole new perspective, doesn’t it?

Just outside Houston on I-10, there’s a river with two names. According to the sign it’s the Old River and the Lost River. It may be old, but it sure ain’t lost. Hell, you can see it from the Interstate.

Near Wilson, Kansas (the Czech capitol of Kansas) there’s something that will arouse the interest of biblical scholars. It seems the Garden of Eden has been found and is living there.

In Mississippi there’s a park named – honest to God – Toad Suck State Park.

Ever been to Buck Snort, Tennessee?

On I-25 north of Denver, Colorado, there’s a stock car track that has some interesting neighbors. There are working oil wells between the track and the highway and next door sits a junk yard. I assume they refine their fuel from the wells, and after the night’s slammin’ and bangin’ it’s a short trip to the junkyard.

There’s a statue of Abraham Lincoln at the summit of Sherman’s Pass on I-80 in Wyoming. Why not a statue of General Sherman in Lincoln, Nebraska?

Believe me, there are more to come.



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